Recently, I've been having conversations with people that go like this:
Unnamed Party: So, how long have you lived in Ireland?
Me: Almost 9 years.
UP: Wow! What brought you here?
Me: I married an Irish guy.
UP: How long have you been married?
Me: 9 years.
UP: How many kids do you have?
Let's stop here. Yes, they will ask me how many kids do I have. Not, "do you have kids?" but how many. Most people just assume that I have them. When I say none, they ask me when I plan on having them. When I say that I don't plan on having any, the reactions vary from shock to silent judgement. I've been told that I'm selfish and many people have said to me that I think that way now but I will most likely have children in the future.
No I won't.
I am 35 years old. I would hope that by this time, I'd know my own mind.
I object to these conversations on many levels. Firstly, I think it's an incredibly personal thing to ask someone, let alone draw them into a discussion about it and try to force your opinion on that person. If someone doesn't want children, why is that a big deal? Why can't people respect my choice? It is mine, after all, not theirs.
Secondly, what if I desperately wanted children but couldn't have them? How awful would it be for me if someone kept bringing up the subject?
Bottom line is that it's really no one's business. My husband and I have made a choice to not have children. I shouldn't have to defend that choice to anyone.
I do not ever try to force any of my beliefs or opinions on anyone else because they are just that - opinions. I can't prove that the way I think is the right way. Something that is right for you may not be right for me.
Unnamed Party: So, how long have you lived in Ireland?
Me: Almost 9 years.
UP: Wow! What brought you here?
Me: I married an Irish guy.
UP: How long have you been married?
Me: 9 years.
UP: How many kids do you have?
Let's stop here. Yes, they will ask me how many kids do I have. Not, "do you have kids?" but how many. Most people just assume that I have them. When I say none, they ask me when I plan on having them. When I say that I don't plan on having any, the reactions vary from shock to silent judgement. I've been told that I'm selfish and many people have said to me that I think that way now but I will most likely have children in the future.
No I won't.
I am 35 years old. I would hope that by this time, I'd know my own mind.
I object to these conversations on many levels. Firstly, I think it's an incredibly personal thing to ask someone, let alone draw them into a discussion about it and try to force your opinion on that person. If someone doesn't want children, why is that a big deal? Why can't people respect my choice? It is mine, after all, not theirs.
Secondly, what if I desperately wanted children but couldn't have them? How awful would it be for me if someone kept bringing up the subject?
Bottom line is that it's really no one's business. My husband and I have made a choice to not have children. I shouldn't have to defend that choice to anyone.
I do not ever try to force any of my beliefs or opinions on anyone else because they are just that - opinions. I can't prove that the way I think is the right way. Something that is right for you may not be right for me.
Well, I never.... ;)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. I can't tell you how many awkward conversations I used to have with people who would adamantly declare that I would change my mind about having kids. The general theory seemed to be that I was young and foolish and would eventually mature and make the "right" decision.
ReplyDeleteDo you know what is even more annoying, though? Finding yourself pregnant and then having everyone declare that they KNEW you would change your mind! Um, no, I actually didn't. My mind was changed for me. Granted, I couldn't be happier with the outcome, but that doesn't mean my initial decision was somehow wrong or misguided. I think it is great that you know your mind well enough to know what you want and to stick to it. You will be traveling the world while I'm elbow-deep in diapers!